What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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