you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
