And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
