I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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