Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
