If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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