some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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