she takes plan B like it's going out of style
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
