Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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