You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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