Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
