Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
