She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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