Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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