dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
