I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
