so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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