Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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