Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
