Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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