Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
