tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
