when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
