thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize