Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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