I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
