Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
