omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize