I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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