you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
