Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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