So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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