Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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