my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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