the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
