we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
