I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
