No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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