Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
