It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
