TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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