you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
