Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
