I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
