id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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