Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
