She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
