I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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