Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
