It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
