Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
