Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
