I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
