I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
