it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
