woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
