So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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