i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
