It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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