So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Randomize
