I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
