the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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