It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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