I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize