Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
