I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
